


Button House gets a visitor

by royalbluesnowwhite (serafinaspiccolo)



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Gen, crack with a side order of angst, just a headcanon about the logic of the Ghosts universe that ran away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27975963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafinaspiccolo/pseuds/royalbluesnowwhite
Summary: In which the Captain is a confused gay and God decides He's fed up of waiting for him to pass on so He sends down a rather large khaki-clad hint from heaven. Or, the one where Alison is a chilly cinnamon roll and Mike is always shrugging.This is crack (kind of), please don't take it (too) seriously.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 75





	1. Mike still can't say "wedding ready"

"Christ, it's bloody freezing!"

Alison tugged her mustard scarf tighter around her neck and looked decidedly at Mike, who was bobbing up and down on his feet in an effort to stay warm.

"Don't you dare try and convince me to wait until tomorrow again." 

After the success of their first winter wedding, they'd got another booking only the couple couldn't visit so Alison and Mike were emailing them extra photos of the house and grounds to help them decide on decorations. The trouble was, it hadn't stopped snowing for days and they much preferred the house's central heating to fumbling frozen fingers to get photos. 

"Yeah, yeah fine." He nodded and then sighed a long puff of steam into the freezing air. 

"Who'd have thought there would be so many emails involved in getting ready for a wedding?"

"You mean getting wedding ready?"

"Yeah! Reddy wedding- uh- redding- weddy- yeah, that." 

Alison chuckled and pulled her phone out of her coat pocket so they could get started. They were discussing how to get the best angles when something caught her eye and she drifted away to get a better look. 

"Ummm... Mike?"

"Mhmm?"

"Did you know the army were coming again?" 

"The army? No." 

"Well, I didn't either... I'd better go and see what he wants. Wait here!" She was gone and out of earshot before she could hear Mike's baffled reply. 

_"See what who wants?!"_

The officer was stood at the gate at the entrance to the driveway. His posture was stiff and he was staring off into the distance in a way that reminded Alison of the Captain. His uniform seemed familiar too, though he was wearing a coat and a cap. 

"Hello?" She called out when she got closer but he didn't seem to hear her. She tried again when she was certain she wasn't disguised by the snowflakes in the air. 

"Can I help you? I'm Alison." She extended her hand but remained invisible to the man for a while longer until he snapped himself out of his haze and smiled warmly. He took her hand and shook it awkwardly, opening his mouth several times as he did but struggling to say anything. 

"I don't suppose you know what's going on, do you?" He asked after several more awkward seconds. 

"Well. I was sort of hoping you would know. You know, you're the one at my house." 

She thought maybe they needed to check the grounds again. The army had come and done a full sweep to make sure there were no more active explosives nearby after that bomb went off the other week. Of course, Alison had had a very serious chat with the Captain to make sure there was only the one, but she couldn't tell the army exactly why she was " _certain there are no more buried secrets"_ so they'd insisted on a thorough check. 

She was sure this wasn't the officer that had arranged the last visit. He looked young but at the same time very old-fashioned, as if... 

"Oh. You're a ghost aren't you?" 

The man looked surprised. 

"This..." he gestured to the driveway and the house behind, "isn't the afterlife?" 

"No?" Alison frowned. 

"I- Right."

"Well, not exactly. There are other ghosts here. Come inside, you can meet them." 

He nodded and followed hesitantly after Alison, whose mind was reeling with thoughts of one particular Button House ghost. 

Mike, who had been watching his wife talking to a gatepost for long enough to work out what was going on, came jogging over as the pair made their way to the front door. Alison gave him a nervous smile and shoved him by his shoulders so that he was facing the ghost. 

"This is Mike. He can't see you." She beamed and then whispered to Mike, _"He's a ghost. I think he's from World War two."_ Mike shrugged obliviously and she made a face. 

_"Oh! You don't think... the Captain?"_

_"Knows him? Only one way to find out."_

Mike waved a greeting in the vague direction of the ghost, who was trying his best to disguise his confusion about the whole situation. 

Alison decided to take him to the drawing room. Everyone would be there for Julian's talk on Thatcherism and she figured it was best to introduce him to them all at once, get it over with. 

"So, how did you get here?"

"I don't know. I just- appeared. All of a sudden I was back. It feels like I'm reliving my last memory of this place in a sort of dream..." he drifted off and smiled again, but this time it appeared strained, "but I can move around, and talk to you. I don't know quite what this all means."

"I'm sorry. I don't know either. I'm still quite new to all this ghost stuff." 

They walked the rest of the way in silence, the sound of ghosts' laughter getting progressively louder as they closed in on their destination. 

Fanny was the first to see them enter. 

"Oh good heavens!" She screeched. 

"She's brought the army in again! Have they not dug up enough of the lawn already?"

Julian paused his extravagant gesticulations and the whole group turned to see this mysterious army man that had come to wreak havoc on Fanny's grass. To their surprise, he was looking directly back at them.

"Everyone, this is..." Alison started and then, realising she hadn't asked his name, turned to the ghost and gestured for him to introduce himself. 

"Havers." 

In a rather comic fashion, everyone span around 180° to look for the source of the sound. It turned out to be the dumfounded Captain, frozen to the spot at the back of the group and seemingly oblivious to everyone's stares and excited chatter.

"Captain." 

The ghosts ping-ponged back to the visitor who they all now assumed to be Lieutenant Havers and Alison cringed. The two officers stared at each other in silence as the others spectated with eager interest. 

"Does he be a ghost?" Mary asked and Alison nodded sparking excited squeals from Kitty that could just about be heard over the others' whispering and gossip. Alison looked between the Captain and the Lieutenant a few times and then decided they should give them some space. She calmly suggested Julian carry on his talk upstairs. 

"And miss this? No chance." He crossed his arms dramatically over his chest but by now the others had lost interest. 

"Guys. Let's go. Leave Cap to 'av a catch-up." Pat helped Alison usher everyone out of the room and she closed the door behind them. 

The Captain cleared his throat about ten times before he dared to speak. 

"Good Lord Havers, what on earth are you doing here?"

The Lieutenant took a tentative few steps closer to his former Captain so they no longer had to shout and gave him a once-over. 

"I could ask you the same thing, Sir." He kept looking around the room like he'd just been dropped onto another planet. 

"What? Oh. I died-" The Captain's eyebrows creased and he coughed again. "I died here. Been stuck ever since."

"I see. And the others?"

"The same. Expect Mike and Alison, they're alive. But I'm sure you can tell or she made you aware or, that is, you don't need me to tell you."

Havers smiled, pleased to see that his superior officer was still as he remembered, and the Captain suddenly found himself unable to breathe well. 

"I'm afraid I've no clue why I'm back. I can see time has passed, yet I don't remember anything since the front..." Havers reached a hand to his chest and was startled. The Captain understood. 

"You were shot?" 

"My... my wound." He looked down to see his perfectly neat and clean uniform, unstained by blood. 

"You do look rather identical to the day you left here."

"I do quite, don't I?" They both smiled this time, each privately reminiscing about their lives at Button House. 

"Sir?"

"Yes, Havers?"

He wanted to ask about his being here but it was too difficult for him to process what was happening. Instead, he simply smiled again. 

"I'd jolly well like to know if you ever did get that service revolver." 

The Captain chuckled and shook his head.

"Never did get a pop at Gerry either." He made a feeble attempt at miming a fistfight and the two shared an awkward laugh. 


	2. A Bally Shame

_"What are they saying?"_ Mike whispered to Alison who had her ear to the door. 

_"Shhh! I think they're laughing."_

_"Oooh!"_ He exclaimed, a bit too loudly. 

_"Mike!"_

_"Sorry! Sorry! How come we've got a new ghost now anyway?"_

_"I don't know."_

It was a puzzle. She knew that some ghosts could move on from here but the others had never spoken about anyone who came to visit. Maybe they didn't know it was possible. 

_"Where do you think he's been?"_

_"He doesn't know."_

_"Maybe he's just here to see the Captain?"_

Alison gave up eavesdropping and spluttered at Mike. 

"You really think he's come down from heaven just for a chat?"

"This... isn't heaven?"

"No Mike, this is our house."

"Yeah obviously, but-"

"I think it's like purgatory for them." She interjected, starting to understand what might be going on. 

"So the big guy is still deciding if they were good or bad?"

"Or they have issues to resolve before they can move on." 

It was obvious that some of them still had outstanding trauma, Mary came immediately to mind, and she'd seen the trope enough in films that it made sense to her as a possibility. 

"So this Lieutenant guy has some sort of issue?"

"No." Alison raised her eyebrows, suddenly remembering she never got around to sending the photos, and dashed off. 

"The Captain is the one with the issue!" She shouted back over her shoulder in a sort of stage whisper. Mike shrugged and went into the kitchen in search of a snack. 

Meanwhile, Havers and the Captain had moved to sit on one of the sofas. He'd thought this might make the situation more comfortable but the Captain just found the informality added to the tension between them. He tapped an incoherent rhythm on his swagger stick and pretended to suddenly be very interested in a spot of wallpaper above Havers' head. Once the silence became unbearable, he decided to ask the wallpaper a question.

"I suppose you've had an interesting time being a ghost in Africa?"

Havers stiffened in his peripheral vision, finally displaying the same signs of nervousness the Captain hadn't been able to shake since 1943.

"Or perhaps you were sucked off?"

"I beg your pardon, Sir?"

"You will have gone to heaven I assume." There was nothing about his second in command that made him doubt that he was met at the pearly gates with open arms. The man was about as free of sin as a man could be. It was almost ridiculous how nice, how caring, how patient he had been in life. The very model of a future citizen of heaven.

He was also the sort of man who never did think much of the Captain's choice of conversation topics. Silence stretched out for a whole longer until Havers managed to articulate his worries. 

"I don't suppose..." He faltered. 

He was looking at the Captain so intently that he had no choice but to look back. He looked more terrified than he ever had in life. A sudden desire to reach out to the man overcame the Captain. Perhaps he could just place a hand on his shoulder, to cheer him up. 

"You don't think I'm stuck here?" 

The Captain's heart fell out of his chest and shattered into a million pieces. Of course Havers wasn't elated with the idea of spending an eternity in his company, what a fool he was to believe for a second that he had been brought back here to be with him. He swallowed the sadness rising in his throat and shook his head reassuringly.

"Absolutely not, old chap. I'm certain you'll be returned to the bosom of Christ in no time. Figuratively I mean, the bosom part, I'm sure, in a literal sense, you'll be returning to the bosom of a lovely woman, a lady, yes. A lady's- uh- bosoms." He stammered, stood up, sat down and then cleared his throat. 

"Right, well." He stood again. "I'm sure Alison can get us, you, out of our, your, predicament. I shall find her at once." Not waiting for a reaction, he marched away through the bookcase leaving Havers to wonder if he should follow. And wondering if he also had the ability to walk through walls like that. 

No sooner had the Captain's left foot left the room and he had completed his mission. There Alison was in the study adjoining the drawing room, typing away on her laptop computer. 

"Captain!" She exclaimed when she noticed him hesitating nearby. 

"Aah yes Alison. I- uh- that is, Lieutenant Havers is in need of your assistance."

"Mine?" 

The Captain clicked his heels. "Well yes, I don't think he wants me, my help."

Alison knew by now that pushing the Captain would only cause him to withdraw into himself. If her theory was correct, this Havers guy would never get to leave if the Captain got into one of his moods. Saving her email as a draft for later, she gently stood from the desk and forced a smile.

"I don't think I can send him away Captain. I'm not God."

"No, quite." 

"But," she titled her head to one side coyly, "I might be able to talk to him. Maybe we can work out why he's here." Eyes sparkling, she formulated a plan in her head. 

"Right well jolly good. I'll let you get on." He strutted away, swagger stick held so tightly under his arm Alison was afraid it might snap. 

She found Havers on the lawn, staring wistfully into the distance again. 

"Excuse me, Lieutenant?"

He was quicker to break from his trance this time around and greeted Alison with a level of familiarity that she found she couldn't match. All she knew of Lieutenant Havers she had heard from the Captain and, knowing the Captain, that wasn't a lot. 

"If you don't mind me asking, where did you die? You see, all this lot died here and they're not allowed to leave."

"The front, North Africa. I was shot in the chest but um- the Captain and I were just discussing actually- it seems I have the appearance of myself when I left Button House rather than that when I died. I see that is rare, that man with the arrow..."

"Pat." Alison smiled and nodded, then quickly grimaced. 

"And the one with the bullet wound?"

"Thomas. Musket ball actually." 

"57mm Mauser." He patted the untarnished wool of his jacket again and then fixed Alison with another strange look. 

"I have no conscious memory of my afterlife. The Captain thinks I must have been in heaven. Apparently with a lady with lovely bosoms..." 

Alison worked hard to stifle her laugh, things had gone worse than she'd hoped. 

"That's great. I've never met a ghost from heaven before. Wait. Of course I've not, that would mean..." She felt herself rambling and worried that the Captain had finally passed it on to her. She stopped and took a deep breath. 

"Look," annoying habits and speech patterns aside, Alison loved the Captain like a member of her own family and she couldn't let him pass up this opportunity for some closure, "I think you might be here to help the Captain to pass on." 

"Be sucked off?" Havers repeated the phrase apparently unaware of its present-day connotations and Alison almost exploded into giggles. 

"Yes, that. He, how do I put this? How do you think the Captain feels about you?"

Havers pondered it for a moment and then replied, "I think he's rather fond of me actually." 

"Yes!" Alison shouted all too enthusiastically. It might take another eighty years for the Captain to understand what Alison was sure he felt and even longer to tell anyone but she didn't want to give it away. It should happen on his own, she thought, maybe it was the only way for him to find peace. 

Okay, maybe he could have some help from this poor ghost Havers as well. 

"He is, he is fond of you. And that's what's keeping him here."

"It is?"

"I think so. You should find him, ask him about the bomb." She grinned and then jogged back inside, she'd not worn a coat and was freezing. 

It wasn't that he didn't know. The Captain was very unsubtle with his emotions even if he never could say what he meant. There was something different about how the Captain interacted with him. He wasn't sure what but he'd realised it one evening when they were alone together. It had been a long and busy day. The Captain had offered him a measure of whiskey and the comfort of his office to watch the sun go down by way of apologising for his gruelling schedule. One glass turned to two and by the time it was dark, his mind was too foggy and his cheeks were too rosy for him to want to face the other men and so he stayed. The Captain had not said or done anything untoward, but it was the way he had spoken that gave it away. 

What was puzzling Havers was what this all had to do with the Captain living another life in death, why he hadn't been "sucked off".

Then, it had seemed insignificant. Simply a part of the Captain's personality as much as his theatrical nature or his clumsy grasp of conversational norms. Havers didn't think of it again until the day he left. He'd half expected the Captain to say something when they said goodbye. Neither of them had and it was only now that he realised that it might have hurt the Captain more than he knew. 

He decided he must try to help and set off through the house. Using his newfound ability to pass through walls and objects, he blazed through room after room in search. He was moving so quickly that he failed to notice the only person who couldn't see him coming. Mike walked right through him and Havers wretched unexpectedly just as he heard a familiar voice call out a tardy warning. 

"Havers! Mind out! Did you not see him? Were you even looking where you were headed, man?" The Captain was too angry about this, waving his swagger stick in Havers' direction and raising his eyebrows at him like he was a misbehaved Corporal. 

"Sir?" He eyed the Captain warily and gently sidestepped the stick. 

"Right, sorry. Living people can often be unpleasant to touch." The Captain subdued his outburst and invited Havers to stand with him sheepishly. 

"I'm okay. I was looking for you actually."

"Me?"

"Yes, the delightful Alison suggested I might ask you about a bomb." 

_Delightful._ His choice of word stung the Captain and he found himself frustrated again. 

"Well, I can't think what she is referring to. Perhaps it's time you were on your way if there's nothing else."

"I can't go, Sir." 

"Yes of course you can't, that makes the two of us then. Bally shame." The Captain coughed at the ground, it pained him a great deal to see Havers doomed to the same fate as him. Havers breathed a shaky sigh, shuffling uncharacteristically on his feet. 

The two men found themselves in a corridor with a window overlooking the grounds. It had stopped snowing and it was eerily quiet outside with only a pair of magpies engaged in a courtship routine to let them know the view wasn't a still image. 

"They dug up Project William." The Captain told him after the magpies had flown away. 

"It exploded." For the first time since it happened, he let himself laugh about it. "It was awfully silly of me to bury it so close to the house."

"You buried it yourself?" They could just make out each other's reflections in the condensation covered glass and Havers saw the Captain give a small nod. 

"The day you left." Speaking to a reflection was a lot easier than facing a person face-to-face and the Captain felt able to carry on. 

"I couldn't bear to have it around, if I'm honest. I'm not sure why but I just couldn't. You always did have more nerve than I-" His voice cracked and his entire body jolted with embarrassment. He'd said too much.


	3. Golden Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just dropping in to say sorry for the wait on this chapter and also bonus points for anyone who spots the Horrible Histories reference.

"Sir?"

"Y-Yes?"

Havers turned to look at the Captain properly. His hands were clasped tightly behind his back and his bushy eyebrows were jittering on his forehead under the pressure of severe concentration. It was a miracle that he had not fled, though maybe that was simply down to the amount his legs were shaking.

"Alison suggested that perhaps I was in a position to help you. I hope you will tell me if you do need anything. Or if you want to... talk."

"You mean you'll stay?" The question tumbled out of the Captain's mouth so quickly they were both surprised. 

"I have the sense that I'm not entirely in control of my transfer this time around," Havers glanced up at the ceiling pointedly and then continued, "but yes. Yes." 

The Captain was rocking on his feet uncomfortably still not having taken his eyes off the bleak winter landscape. He cleared his throat at Havers' answer to indicate that he'd heard him but said nothing. His lieutenant watched the Captain's usually rigidity return to his shaking legs and quivering forearms like he had so many times in life. He knew what to expect by now. He coughed and Havers almost chuckled at how like clockwork the other man was. After a while, when he had fully collected himself, he looked at Havers with a small smile and replied. 

"Jolly good."

They stayed there for a few silent minutes longer before the Captain decided it was best to let Havers settle in to his new afterlife, introduce him properly to the others and such like. 

To say he was initially well received would be an understatement. He was after all, as Thomas put it, "their most miraculous new acquaintance since Alison." From the moment they came downstairs, the Captain had barely had chance to say more than two words to his Lieutenant before he was whisked away by another ghost. They introduced him to the Button House schedule, let him pick the week's film although he wasn't on the rota and Kitty even almost gave up her room but changed her mind at the last minute, settling on visiting him each morning for a chat to make up for it. 

With the dead so preoccupied, the living had made considerable progress. Preparation for their second wedding was well under way and, with the couple finally able to visit, they'd been able to set a date: a week exactly since Havers' arrival. 

It was the 24 hours to go mark when the Captain and Lieutenant Havers were able to be properly alone together again. 

"It'll be jolly exciting to attend a wedding, Sir."

"Yes. Quite." 

They were on the lawn, 'inspecting' the arrangement of ivy and mistletoe posies the couple had chosen to decorate their wintery outdoor buffet stand. It was just before dusk, the last rays of golden sunlight tickling the edges of the white berries in a way the Captain thought was suitably romantic. Suitable for the upcoming wedding, of course. 

"They are always such joyous occasions." He mused, accidently aloud. 

"Well it is joy, I suppose."

"What is, Havers?"

"Well, love, Sir."

"Love?"

"Yes. Isn't that what a wedding is about?" 

The Captain paused. Growing up, weddings were always about traditions, new things, old things, blue things, then as he got older they had become about propriety, duty and security. Then there was Sam and Claire's wedding which he thought was about overcoming odds and the resilience of people. To have a successful wedding despite the bad weather was quite a feat in his eyes. 

"I can't say I know that it is."

Inside, the others were watching the two soldiers like children mourning a dropped toy. 

"What makes the Captain worthy of a visitor anyway and yet I don't get to see my darling Isabelle?" Thomas sighed and flung himself dramatically across the nearest window seat. 

Pat came to sit by him, "Well it's not quite the same as you and your Isabelle is it?"

"It is for the Captain." Julian scoffed from the other window.

"What do you mean, Julian?"

Julian got up so he could look at Pat. "I mean-" he drew a circle in the air with his hands, "that this soldier is finally here to release our dear old repressed friend from himself."

"You mean to say that the Captain is in any way capable of experiencing the same depth of feeling as I did for my Isabelle? And for this INTRUDER?"

"I mean-"

Mary cut Julian off, "P'haps the Captain will actually speak to his love and not use an unreliables messenger like a silly goose."

"Mary! How dare you?" Thomas sat up, "I. Am. Not. A. Silly. Goose."

"I didn't means-"

"This is offense most rude!"

"Oh give me a break-"

"Shut up, Julian!"

"Rudeness that cannot be counted on one's fingers-"

"Let's just all calm-"

"Don't you start Patrick!"

Mike strolled into the room, completely oblivious to the brewing fight, and they paused, Julian with a hand scrunched in Mary's bonnet and Pat engaged in a face off with a smouldering Thomas. Mike was talking on the phone, "-yeah of course mate. Khalid is coming ahead of you tomorrow right?---yeah, aha---We'll make sure you two have the best wedding day, yeah? Great cheers Matt. Bye."

Julian dropped Mary and clapped his hands with glee. "It's another gay wedding!"

"Well, let's not assume-" Pat tried to put a steady hand on Julian's arm but missed as he strode off to peek over Mike's shoulder.

"It is! He has an invitation open!"

The others ran to see and soon realised that he was right. 

"I don't see how this is a cause for celebration."

"Oh come on Thomas, lighten up. Men are actually not all that bad. You should try it some time." Julian smirked and winked saucily at Thomas but he just shook his head. "Oh well. Your loss." He leapt up from the sofa and charged away muttering something about the Captain that Thomas couldn't quite hear and taking the others with him. 

"What has this got to do with th-" The poet spluttered, stamped and collapsed down next to Mike on the sofa. 

A voice from behind him sighed. "Sometimes you really do put the hopeless in 'hopeless romantic' Thomas."

"Humphrey?"

"Yup."

"I didn't notice you here this whole time."

"No one ever does."

The others bumped into Alison on their way outside. She was talking to Kitty. 

"The thing is Kitty, Lieutenant Havers is here to see the Captain. He's not moving..."

Noticing them watching, Alison trailed off and waved sarcastically at the other ghosts. 

"Ah! Alison! Why didn't you tell us you guys were marketing the house as an exclusively gay venue?"

"What? We're not, Julian."

"Well you are." Julian wafted his arms in front of Alison as if the truth were tangible and in the air between them. "Was it the Captain's idea?" He added with a smirk. 

"Julian!" Alison half-shouted, half-whispered under her breath. She knew that this whole situation was very delicate and the last thing she wanted was Julian's bullish nature to ruin it. She told him to shut up and then, realising too late what he was planning, she added, "don't you dare Julian!" before taking off to chase after his ghostly backside and its dammed ability to take shortcuts through walls. 

By this time, it was dark so the Captain and Lieutenant Havers had moved back inside. They jumped when Julian came bounding over and immediately inserted himself into their conversation. 

"Ahh chaps, have you heard the news?"

"The news?" They both replied together, causing the Captain's cheeks to flush a shade of pink. 

"About our newlyweds-to-be?" He paused for dramatic effect, rather than for an answer, "Another gay wedding apparently. Two grooms."

"Good Lord." The Captain shuffled up and down on his ankles and instinctively stammered a backtrack. "That is, not that I share any of Fanny's previous dispositions, just that, well, why exactly are you telling me this anyway?"

"Aren't you excited?"

"You say this had happened before?" Havers immediately rescued him from having to answer the question, a mixture of surprise and confusion on his face. 

"Oh, new dead guy. Yes." Julian rolled his eyes and turned to the Lieutenant. "Welcome to the twenty first century." He barely paused to let him absorb the news. 

"I'm telling you because I thought it might be of special interest, Captain."

"I can't think why you think a couple's personal choices are of any interest to me-"

"Neither can I!" Alison shouted through frantic pants as she caught up to them. 

"Its just very exciting to have a wedding, isn't it Julian?" She tried her best to make a face that said 'drop it or I take away your mobile game privileges for a week'. Julian relented and nodded enthusiastically at Havers and the Captain. "Yes. A wedding. Very exciting." It wasn't convincing but it was enough. 

"Excuse me Lieutenant," Alison grimaced, trying to stay calm, "apparently you'd promised Robin a puzzle or two? Kitty was just telling me about it."

"Oh, of course." Havers smiled politely at everyone and then took Alison's unsubtle hint that he should leave. When he was out of earshot, she turned to her regular residents. 

"Right. Is everything in order with the mistletoe Captain?"

He seemed to have forgotten entirely that he had been looking at it.

"Yes, um. Very nice. Its splendid Alison." 

"Good. Now maybe since you're so excited about the wedding Julian, you can help with something too." She dragged the politician as best she could into the next room, leaving the Captain to puzzle over the whole conversation. 


	4. The trials and tribulations of being a ghost who can't feel the cold

The Captain, alone in the hall, thought about what Julian had said. He wondered what on Earth he had meant by _"special interest."_ War documentaries were a special interest of the Captain's, people's private lives were not. Had he perhaps over-indulged at the last wedding, got too involved? The others must all think him romance-obsessed now and that's why Julian was so eager to tell him all the details about the couple. Well, they had totally misread the signals. It was just the spectacle that he liked, the satisfying result of a tightly-run campaign and, a little too sentimentally for his liking, the way that weddings always seemed to make people happy. Romance wasn't a part of it. He thought about his conversation with Havers earlier. Joy. Love. Are they really interchangeable? 

Though not often, the Captain had experienced the odd moment of joy. Love, on the other hand, was not an emotion he could relate to. To him, love isn't felt. It just exists on its own. Its a fact of life. Love is what binds him to his family. It is why his parents married, why he was born. They decided to love each other and decided they had the capacity to love him too. There was no higher power involved, no unshakable feeling gripping their minds and forcing them to be together against their will. There was just the sensible understanding that people ought to settle down eventually, and why not with each other? Of course, the Captain had never had time to engage in this sort of thinking. He was far too busy serving King and country. "Married to the army" someone had once described him as at an informal gathering he'd reluctantly attended in the summer of '42. It was absurd, obviously, to describe his loyalty to service like that but he couldn't expect other men to understand. At the time, he just shrugged it off and tried his best to feign interest in his fellow officers' conversation about girls they missed from home, even making up the odd lie to placate their questions about his own love life. He'd always found it difficult to understand what others meant when they spoke about being in love. There had not been a woman in his life nor in his death that he could honestly say he had 'fallen for'. No, he was not a romantic and he was glad. God forbid him being anything like Thomas. He simply appreciated the occasion for other reasons. With a sudden wave of self-assurance, he decided that he must try to appear less interested in tomorrow's wedding to quash this misunderstanding. 

The way to do this, he seemed to think, was to start by standing outside for a while. Standing outside in the refreshingly crisp air that has a way of invigorating one's body and clearing one's head, that is if one still lives in one's body and not as an immaterial apparition. He fidgeted. As he did, he imagined the crunchy sound the gravel would make underneath his feet as he shuffled up and down and how the cool air would feel on his skin if he was still alive. The way the freezing breeze would sprinkle goosebumps on his neck and blow the uncertainties from his mind, setting him on a clear path to victory. Alas, with the Captain's temperature-insensitive body being what it was, being out in the late December dusk was doing nothing to help him understand his current predicament. The mission he had assigned himself was going to be difficult given that he was only feeling more excited about the wedding since finding out it would be two men getting married. It was ridiculous. There was no sensible explanation for this being more interesting to him than an ordinary wedding. Just like there was no sensible explanation for the pang in his chest when he thought of ruining the day for Havers who had seemed so genuinely excited for the occasion. Then again, he realised, he was never sensible around his Lieutenant. Even less so since his unexpected return to Button House. Could he really pretend to suddenly not care about the only thing they'd properly spoken about since his arrival? He paused this unsettling train of thought for a moment and looked over to the gatepost. Havers was right there in the Captain's mind whenever he looked, why did someone feel the need to send him back here? That was assuming that there was someone or something directly responsible for this, that there was a reason for it and it wasn't just awful luck. He wondered if perhaps he was here to test him. If he could just maintain his composure during Havers' guest appearance in the Button House afterlife then maybe the Captain would be rewarded. He just had to stop succumbing to this blasted boyish admiration and he might finally get sucked off. 

With this newfound understanding of the situation, that was totally correct and absolutely _not_ completely off the mark, he headed off to see if he could find the man in question and begin their new relationship. A relationship where he could string a blasted sentence together without too much fuss.   
This meant assisting him with helping Robin solve his crossword. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Cap, why must you be such a silly goose?   
> I didn't really know how to describe the Captain's current thoughts about love here and how he interpreted it in his own life so I just drew on my own experiences as an oblivious lgbt disaster (what do you mean projecting onto fictional characters is unhealthy?) so I hope it wasn't too OOC lmao. Also, sorry this was such a short update but I've finally figured out how to resolve this silly idea so I should hopefully have it finished next week.


	5. 14 across

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so I wasn't expecting such a positive response to this fic to be honest, I hope this ending lives up to expectations!! (also thanks for all your lovely comments ily ❤️) 

Unfortunately, Robin and the Lieutenant were already joined by Thomas who was being predictably unhelpful. 

"But how can it not be incitement? 'a recognition, realization, coming into awareness of.'" 

"Too long!" Robin shouted without looking up from the paper, fed up with the poet's dramatics. 

"But that is the exact definition of incitement!" Thomas stamped his feet fruitlessly on the carpet and stormed over to the Captain in a huff. 

"Rousing?" Havers offered quietly in the background. 

"Too short!"

"Captain!" Thomas grabbed the Captain's lapels and frantically pleaded with him, "Am I not correct? Is it not incitement and the puzzle is wrong?" 

"Too long!" Robin shouted over to them so loudly that Alison came in to check what the noise was. 

"Everything okay in here guys?"

The Captain shuddered and yanked himself away from Thomas, trying to appear calm as he spoke to Alison. 

"We're just struggling with a realization, Alison."

"A realization, huh?" She smiled wryly and the Captain was immediately confused. 

"Yes, um- a recognition. Though not a rousing..." He tried to remember the clue. "A coming into the awareness of. That's it. I'm sure we'll get there, won't we chaps? Just a little more searching within ourselves to find the answer is all we need." 

Alison's smile widened into a grin and she beamed, "Great! Well, I'll leave you guys to it." Before she left, she mouthed 'thank you' to the others. The Captain smiled, glad she appreciated their display of teamwork. 

A dozen or so seconds later, Thomas seemed to experience a realization of his own, nodded enthusiastically at nothing in particular and excused himself saying that he was going to talk to Julian. The Captain thought it odd but assumed it was an elaborate excuse to chase after Alison. He couldn't understand why this man was so blatant with his romantic inclinations, it couldn't be that difficult to be a little more restrained. He was certain that he would be much better at it should he ever find himself in Thomas' position. The three remaining puzzlers let him go and crowded around the table by the window as they rattled through possible answers. The Captain wasn't usually one to go in for this kind of thing but if he was to stick to his plan then he had to make an effort. After a while, he found himself unsurprisingly distracted by the opportunity for some impromptu constellation spotting offered by the clear night sky. Words never came easily to him but he did pride himself on his ability to find Orion in 140 seconds exactly on any given winter's evening.

"Sir? Sir?" Havers placed a tentative hand on the Captain's arm and immediately brought him out of his trance. 

"Sorry, Sir. We've solved it and," he stood up and made his way to the door, "I'm going to leave you all I'm afraid. I'm awfully tired." Havers masked a yawn with a wave goodbye as he headed to bed. He nodded curtly after his Lieutenant and then the Captain noticed that Thomas had returned, though not accompanied by Julian as he had expected. He was alone and looking intently at the Captain from across the room. 

"What?"

"Would you like to know what the word was?"

"Go on then."

"Awakening. Not incitement." He proclaimed dramatically, hands thrown up in the air in mock surrender, and then returned to his previous activity of eyeing the Captain in a way that made him nervous. What on Earth had he done? 

"Look. I'm sorry I was distracted. You didn't need me to solve the clue anyway-" He started to explain but Thomas cut him off.

"Do you understand why the dear Lieutenant is here yet?" He pushed himself up off of the sofa and came to stand in front of the Captain at the window. He felt like he was being interrogated. 

"I thought we were talking about the puzzle. That has nothing to do with him. And why are you being so hostile, you've been fawning over him enough, all of you have!" He could feel himself getting angry, his pulse was getting quicker and he saw his knuckles were white from holding his swagger stick so tightly under his arm. 

"I'd just like to know what makes you lucky. Why you get a special visitor and not I." Thomas drawled through gritted teeth. 

"Havers is hardly special." He spat back and then immediately regretted it. It was unlike him to be intentionally cruel. 

"Look," Thomas began after a few seconds of silence, "we're only trying to help Captain."

The Captain looked around the room suspiciously. "We?" Perhaps Humphrey's head was hiding somewhere in here or Mary was lurking in a wall as she was so fond of doing.

"Y-Yes."

Thomas had a rare mood about him, like a new recruit so freshly joined up that he hadn't even learnt to salute. He was unsure, out of his depth and so uncharacteristically lusterless that it was actually slightly frightening.

"Did Julian put you up to this?" _Whatever "this" is._

"In a way. Alison has banned him from talking to you until we resolve this."

"Alison?" _Resolve what?_ he wanted to add but was afraid he wouldn't like the answer.

Unexpectedly, it was the woman herself that replied, "You called Captain?" She spoke with all her usual lightness and wit but it was tinged with insecurity and she walked over to the two ghosts from the door where she'd conveniently been lingering like she was approaching a bear in a cave. It seemed to make sense to him then, what it was that they were trying to achieve.

"You-" The Captain's voice cracked and he cleared his throat out of embarrassment, "you want him gone, don't you?"

"Oh Captain, no we don't. Do you?"

"Never." He admitted softly and Alison floated a hand up to hover somewhat comfortingly near his shoulder.  
The Captain didn't want to think about it, about how strongly he felt for this man who had been so rudely reintroduced into his life (or death, he supposed) without warning. He had hardly thought about him for decades until all of his buried feelings had been resurfaced by that bomb. He had only just begun their reburial when they were dragged back up again, it was frustrating. And it was bally disruptive too. Since his untimely return, everything had been so difficult. First Julian acting strange and now this. It was almost as if Havers' mere presence in this realm was setting in motion a series of events whose nature he was not yet aware of.

He didn't want to think about it but he had to. Alison wouldn't stop asking to be told about him.

"-so then I put in for a second-in-command and they sent me Lieutenant Havers. The men, they disobeyed my authority frequently," he paused, embarrassed to admit his failings as a CO, "but Havers... Havers treated me well, and he helped keep the others in line too. It was good for a year or so and then-"

"And then he left." Alison filled in for him.

"Yes. I lost everything that day. Our project, any type of control over the men and their blasted antics."

"I remember." Thomas cut in. "They smuggled in alcohol a few times, Fanny would get so upset about the state of the carpets."

"They thought I was a joke. I _was_ a joke."

"What was he like? As a person I mean. Tell us what you talked about when you weren't working."

The Captain's ears began to turn red. This was a difficult topic and he'd already told them a lot. He stammered half an incoherent denial of ever having a relationship with Havers beyond the professional and then trailed off into silence. Thomas chewed the situation over in his head. 

"We did watch you, Captain. Or at least Kitty and I did."

"You did what?" 

A sigh. "Don't try to pretend you are any better, you know you do the same now."

"Yes but- Were the other men not more..." The Captain's eyebrows danced on his forehead whilst he thought about what to say. "...interesting?"

Thomas scoffed, "I don't think interesting is the word I would choose."

"Thomas! Hmm. All right, you're correct but it was hardly a personal affair. We discussed work away from the others that's all. And sometimes he would tell me about his family, his military ambitions and such like."

"And how he might like to make General one day, how you were sure he was more than worthy, how he dreamed of having the point guard at his wedding..." Thomas was slowly circling The Captain as he recalled more about what they'd discussed than he could himself.

"Okay!" He gave up all hopes of maintaining his dignity, or his privacy, and motioned for them all to take a seat so Alison could rest, knowing it might take him a while to find the words. And it did, it took five minutes of stammering and another ten of meaningless waffle until he got to his point.

"-and he was important to me. A very dear friend whom I'll admit I've missed quite a lot."

"Captain." Alison seemed to consider her next sentence very carefully, the Captain could see her hesitate a few times before she delicately continued with her new line of questioning. "Was he the only one?"

"My only... friend?" She shrugged, glanced timidly at Thomas and then nodded. "Well..." Now it was the Captains turn to think. He scanned through the memories of his life, his service in the second world war, the interwar period when he'd been through so many unsuitable jobs he couldn't remember them all, his first posting in The Great War, military boarding school... "I suppose there were a few others. Christopher was likely the first." They looked on expectantly and he continued. "We were at the academy together. He was a scoundrel really, a bad influence. He would get me into trouble for flouting the rules on occasion. In hindsight, I should never have admired him so." It was rare for the Captain to be so open, to discuss his emotions like this. It was raw and he felt vulnerable.

"He- He was sent away in the end. There was a dance. He got a bit too involved with one of the girls from the local village..." 

"Do you think of me as a friend Captain?" Thomas asked, fluttering his eyelashes innocently. 

"Well, no." 

"Gosh. I had thought after all these decades you might finally have decided you could put up with me. What about the others?"

"I only meant that I don't feel, well, um... Yes, well, the others. You are sometimes quite agreeable. Patrick is uh- nice and Kitty is awfully friendly."

"And do you feel the same way about them as this deviant Christopher of yours?" The Captain shook his head. "Maybe, then, you and I are more alike than you realise Captain."

"What in heavens do you mean by that?"

Thomas struggled for words in the most un-Thomas like of ways and Alison found herself once again connecting the dots. 

"I think he means that maybe there's more to your feelings than friendship Captain." She breathed somewhat heavily through her nose. "You and Pat are friends, right? And Kitty you said?"

"Yes, I suppose we are."

"But you aren't fond of them in the same way as Lieutenant Havers."

"I-" She was correct. He wasn't. "But-" He would've liked to have said that he didn't know what Alison could possibly be insinuating, what there is beyond friendship, but that was the problem. He did know. He always had, no matter how often he'd quashed any thoughts from his mind, how many times he'd shrugged it off when it was mentioned to him in passing. It suddenly struck him that today was the first time it had ever been presented to him in a positive light, not as a taboo topic, a reason for dismissal, a crime. 

"I hope you'll be involved with the wedding again tomorrow Captain."

"But-"

"Promise me you'll think about it."

He conceded and nodded his head stiffly in agreement. If you'd have been in heaven then, you would have heard an almighty sigh. Finally. It was the smallest of steps but it was a start. And it only took the best part of 80 years, eight sympathetic ghostly housemates, a supernaturally gifted modern woman and a smattering of divine intervention.


End file.
